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Friday, 12 June 2009

  • I'm baack...and fat.

    Stats:
    Height: 5'7
    HW: 142
    SW: 134
    CW: 108
    LW: 118
    Original Goal Weight: 115 -    reached
    GW2: 110-reached
    GW3: 105
    GW4- 100/maintain.

    I'm baaack. And unfortunately, fat. 8 pounds, this is fucking ridiculous. Everytime I look in the mirror, I just see blubber orbiting my body. I need control again, I need to be SKINNY. It's the summer and I want to look cute in my bathing suit, not just some fat slob that needs to go die in a corner. I believe the reason why I've gained so much is due to my binging and purging. Almost every night I binge and purge on cookies and icing (disgusting, I know) but unfortunately, I don't get all of it out. Ahhh, and if I miss even one cookie with icing on it, that's about 100 calories. And what I eat total has got to be about 3000 calories. Just thinking about the numbers makes me wanna puke.

    So, I've decided--I'm going to have control again. Before, I used to only have my big b/p's once a week and I was way thinner than I am now. I am going to try my hardest to start that again, but it's soo damn hard. This change will be effective on Monday. It seems fitting because my parents are out of time this weekend, and instead of doing what any normal teen would do by throwing a party, I will be throwing up. I'm planning on binging and purging so much these next few days that I will never want to do it again (doubtful, but I hope so).

    The end of the year is coming and I am unbelievably stressed. Finals. Fuck my life. Hopefully, I will study and NOT binge or purge.

    How has everyone been? Updates?

Friday, 30 January 2009

  • Drowning in My Sleep

    Stats:
    Height: 5'7
    HW: 142
    SW: 134
    CW: 100
    LW: 118
    Original Goal Weight: 115 -    reached
    GW2: 110-reached
    GW3: 105-    reached
    GW4- 100/maintain.-reached

    Finally, goal is reached. Unfortunately, my mum found out that I had been checking my weight, so she hid the scale...again. Fuuuuckkk. I was thinking that the next time Bed Bath and Beyond sends me a coupon, I'll go over there and buy myself a scale again. Too bad I still refuse to get my license...and I don't feel like stealing the car for that.

    Everyone says that eating disorders are good for absolutely nothing. I beg to differ, they are good at getting your mind off of shit. On Saturday, January 24th, 2009, my brother Eric died in a tragic car accident. Let me explain the term brother...Technically, he isn't actually my brother. Our families have been best friends for 10 years, so for 10 years he has been a brother to me. Every memory that I have of my real brother, Eric is in. God ripped him from me and now I am left alone. Dealing with this was just to much, crying is inevitable throughout the day. The only time where I don't feel like crying is when I'm binging and purging. Horrible, I know.

    Let's stray from this subject because I can't think about this anymore. Um...I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get straight A's on my report card, so that's pretty sweet. I've been working hard, and I think that it paid off. I found out that I have a 93 in English, 100 in math-yay!, 96 in chem, and a 95 in French.

    I've got a problem with my Dad. He keeps on getting on my ass about drinking milk and shit. I'm lactose and tolerant, which I told him. He doesn't care, he said to get my soy milk and all that jazz. I know that it wont kill me, but I just don't feel like adding an extra 100 cals to my intake, that's just fucking insane. Even the light Soy Milk has 70 cals, which is too much. I'm already taking calcium pills, so what does he want from me? So to block his rant on me, I started yelling at him, telling him to take his high blood pressure and cholesterol pills. That should shut him up for a while. :)

    Enjoy the Thinspo:

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    3158452570_a7d06a7f30 3156022316_f828b571a5 3155212597_ccd8f47a81 3155212505_9ee309e54b 2953206750_d63da93a0a l_52e921c67ad4e81464dd4e2d15172a3d

Thursday, 15 January 2009

  • Midterms.

    Stats:
    Height: 5'7
    HW: 142
    SW: 134
    CW: 101
    LW: 118
    Original Goal Weight: 115 -    reached
    GW2: 110-reached
    GW3: 105-    reached
    GW4- 100/maintain.

    Midterms officially start tomorrow even though I've done essays for a lot of classes already. AP English tomorrow...yay. Her study guide was so damn vague as well. Ahh, and 82 random ass vocab words.

    Jovial- markedly good humored, especially as shown by jollity and good fellowship
    Fastidious- difficult to please; overcritical i.g. me.
    Ostentation- boastful showiness; prententious display meant to impress others
    Auspicious- attended by favourable circumstances; propitious
    Anathema- a formal ecclesiastical ban, curse, or excommunication; a vehement denunciation
    Vicissitudes- any change or variation in something; alteration in fortune.

    Just to name a couple of the vocab...mostly for my own sake of memorizing. But, luckily, since I have Library assistant during second period, I have no midterm, so I'm leaving school at 11. :)

    Most likely this means a giant binge/purge tomorrow since my parents wont be home until 6. Unfortunately, there's no food in the house. So my binge will consist of a lean cuisine and bread with marshmallow fluff. Good one?

    Good luck to everyone on your exams. :)
    ______________________________________________________________________________________

    Edit://I had my English exam today...I probably failed...wonderful. I like getting home early though. Today was my binge/purge day, and boy did I take advantage. I b/ped from 12-6...disgusting right? Oh well, at least I got out all of my cravings for today. I think I might go out tonight but my stomach hurts, so we'll see. Does anyone have special plans?

    Enjoy the Thinspo:

    2773702637_e169c11eae 2773390137_5813cd1986 2773388195_fc51b8405a 2773345265_78d53d00cc 2773329649_442bab9291 2773328245_99b43dea8a 2783369205_b56a2bdcc6 2783368903_7ceeb246cb 2783368229_ec5a742f65 2774195192_2c26036297 2774194590_7761c61fa0 2774191528_d05f3d59eb

     

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

  • Stresssssss

    Stats:
    Height: 5'7
    HW: 142
    SW: 134
    CW: 101
    LW: 118
    Original Goal Weight: 115 -    reached
    GW2: 110-reached
    GW3: 105-    reached
    GW4- 100/maintain.

    Holy shit, I'm stressed. These next two weeks are seriously going to be HELL. For AP English, I had to write 2 5 paragraph essays in 45 minutes. When she said that we had 6 minutes left, I hadn't even started the second essay. Tomorrow, I have to do this long ass essay for History about the Civil War. I'm freaking out about the Chemistry midterm, I don't know shit from dick in that class. I study it for the test and then I forget about it. When we were doing the review packet, I was completely clueless. Oh, and for French, I have a huuuge test next class that is worth 30% of my grade, and THEN, I have an exam for that class. Isn't that a bit excessive? AHHHHHHHHHH.

    Dear Jesus, just breathe Hayden, breathe. I got that shit that I'm supposed to drink for the pancreas test on Monday. It looks like rotten mix, I'm not too excited about drinking it. *gags*. No eating for 4 hours prior, and then I have to drink that milk of magnese looking thing. Sounds exciting, eh?

    How are all of you guys dealing with the stress of Midterms?

    2622038711_354d82a057 2606997007_2bcfbdde44 005 2606961681_08a5aec1ea 2124131006_f18464a285 1087039038_d587d2c28a

Thursday, 08 January 2009

  • I'm back. :)

    Stats:
    Height: 5'7
    HW: 142
    SW: 134
    CW: 102
    LW: 118
    Original Goal Weight: 115 -    reached
    GW2: 110-reached
    GW3: 105-    reached
    GW4- 100/maintain.

    I'm baaack. I was so excited to see that I gained no weight during the Christmas break. :) But since I've gotten back, I've lost no weight. Of course, the whole family has to comment on my weight. What a fucking yawn of a topic. I'm so sick of it, I wish that people could just accept me for who I am. I pretty much lived off of salad and cereal. Half of my calories most likely came from alcohol. On Christmas, I had a whole bottle of vodka that was already mixed with cosmo. I tried the mojito vodka, it was pretty good. Oh, and I smoked double apple hookah, delish. :D

    Ah, midterms are coming up, is anyone else freaking out? I've recieved plenty of study packets, about 10 pages thick. Greeaat. But I'd rather have an in depth study guide than miniscule material. I have to do the essay part of my exam on Monday for AP English. Wonderful. I have to imply the concepts of Emerson and Thoreau into my essay. Fuck my life.

    Today I went to Costco and got the famous frozen yogurt. I know that it's fat free, but that doesn't mean that it's calorie free. But on the down low...it kind of acts like a laxitive for me because I'm lactose intolerant. TMI, yeah.

    My mum set up an appointment for my pancreas ultrasound on my day off, Jan. 20th. They suspect that I might had developed juvinille diabetes. They CAN NOT make me take insulin. I refuse, it makes you gain a fucking shitload. I'd rather just eat everything sugar-free...and it's a good excuse as to why I'm not eating at parties and stuff.

    l_43e7b615c57e26a623582870a6a7b343 l_1ed51fd482926ea0893fb98cc336acec l_0d0338405b524132324009849be8888e 1347158781_l 535755850_l 429709328_l

    l_aad01615cf811d476fd8275d04d791c0 l_77336983d6a1f32d21bb13ae6d46d13d l_902ee88dd9196cce6fe3a611ebca09a5

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